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Sunday, 1 May 2011

A retail hell

I went to the HMV shop in town and saw The Specials first album for about £5, I picked it up and went to the counter, there were three people behind the counter, one was on the phone, one was looking at particles of air, and the other was an unenthusiastic kid about 16 wondering what happened to his brain after being slowly turned in to a retail robot, he looked at me and said.

“Did you find everything you wanted?”

“Yes thanks”

“Can I interest you in some discount DVDs?”

“No”

“What about some sweets”?

“What do they think I am a fucking ten year old”?



The whole world is just trying to sell me stuff constantly, to try and escape this I looked on the internet to watch a video on you tube just to remind myself when bands actually said something that didn’t involve crap gold bracelets, guns and calling your girlfriend a bitch, (respect I don’t think) anyway in the comments sure enough was another seller trying to sell me crap but this one did bring a smile to my face. It said.
Does anyone want to buy three wall mountable Beswick pheasants? Like
what Hilda Ogden used to have on Coronation Street but pheasants not ducks! I didn't think so. They are actually worth £1000 but the 1st bid of a ton(£100) can have them ,and because you like Crass, so I like you so much, I’ll give you a potential profit margin of £900.Any takers?

You only have to walk through derby about 30 feet before you get hassled by street corner merchants ,if its not toys with no kite mark its bloody electric companies trying to get you to change supplier, they say do you have an electric company, yes I reply before making a quick exit “I also have water, Marylebone station and I get two hundred pounds for passing go .i cant stand it it drives me insain I only came in to get some sausage rolls from birds cake shop.

You had to admire his attempt far better than the bloke outside Halfords the other week on the Wyvern retail park in Derby who tried to sell me some watches from the back of his car, I thought he wanted directions to Alvaston and I got sucked in to a conversation, what made me laugh though was the fact that all the watches that he said were accurate to a millionth of a second, all had different times on them, not one watch had the correct time.

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